Day 4. Work has not been much help as far as keeping me sane. I know, if it was fun it wouldn't be called work... But to constantly feel like a number. It's a terrible feeling. I let that seep into my personal life a bit much.
I had gone for a job interview 4 months ago. Then I went for a second interview... then a third. I was so fucking excited about this job. I would finally be doing something I wanted to do, a training specialist that got to actually help others grow and develop. After my fourth interview and them reaching out to me after I got back from my honeymoon I thought this was in the bag. I even received an email from the VP saying "please don't drop out on me, just be patient ;-)" yes, that is a winky face...
That was a month ago. I was told they would announce a candidate by Thanksgiving. That was two weeks ago. When I inquire about the job I am told they are still working on the process. So my optimism has been, well it's crushed.
About a month ago I was approached by another district manager, George, about an opportunity for both myself and my husband on Block Island. This deal is very nice with a great sign on bonus. George practically handed it to me on a silver platter and said whatever you want or need from me to get you out there just tell me.
But I had put that on hold for this other job. I really had wanted this job, but I can't put all my eggs in one basket so after getting frustrated and my patience worn thin I reached out to George and told him Seth and I were ready to discuss the Island and so here I wait.
But I had put that on hold for this other job. I really had wanted this job, but I can't put all my eggs in one basket so after getting frustrated and my patience worn thin I reached out to George and told him Seth and I were ready to discuss the Island and so here I wait.
Today, Friday, is the first day I have seen my husband since Monday. My last day of drinking...
We were on vacation together last week and apparently I get punished for taking a vacation and am scheduled four 2-11p shifts tues, wed (today was 12pm-11pm),thurs, fri. Seth works 8a-5p all those days so it's been a week of sleepy good morning and welcome home kisses with little other interaction.
We were on vacation together last week and apparently I get punished for taking a vacation and am scheduled four 2-11p shifts tues, wed (today was 12pm-11pm),thurs, fri. Seth works 8a-5p all those days so it's been a week of sleepy good morning and welcome home kisses with little other interaction.
Last night I couldn't sleep and was tossing and turning like crazy. I had drank a ton of water the day before, trying to detox my body. Friday Seth was schedule 2p-11p as well so we had the morning together. But I finally fell asleep at about 4:45 a.m. At least that was the last time I saw the last time I had gotten up to pee... melatonin didn't work, zyrtec didn't work, I was out of my ambien so it was just me and the sandman. No booze.
I slept in until about 10am and woke still exhausted. When I got up Seth was on the computer in the dining room.
I grabbed my coffee and headed to watch the today show. An hour later, Seth was still on the computer. I reminded him that this IS the first time we've seen each other in 4 days and maybe he can save the computer for tomorrow when he's alone.
He finished up and came and sat with me in the living room. Poking and probing and joking with me. But I really was not in the mood. I just wanted to sit. I was stressed, and tired, and just plain grumpy. I just wanted cuddle time.
Then he starts talking about work and how his district manager (who is a woman) was fighting for his affections and sitting too close and maybe he should use that to his advantage and just do what it takes to get ahead blah blah blah...
Now, he's joking with me but for me to be personally put through that type of scrutiny everyday I just didn't want to hear it. And so I told him,
"Can you not talk like that to your wife. A woman who has to deal with sexist comments daily??"
"Awww, lighten up I'm just joking. You know George has his eye on you any way, he wants to get you on the Island so he can have you all to himself. I'm surprised he told you to bring me. I'm sure he has plans to move in on you anyway the second I'm outta sight."
"You know what. you're a fucking pervert and go fuck yourself!"
"God, I'm joking stop being so sensitive!!!"
I slept in until about 10am and woke still exhausted. When I got up Seth was on the computer in the dining room.
I grabbed my coffee and headed to watch the today show. An hour later, Seth was still on the computer. I reminded him that this IS the first time we've seen each other in 4 days and maybe he can save the computer for tomorrow when he's alone.
He finished up and came and sat with me in the living room. Poking and probing and joking with me. But I really was not in the mood. I just wanted to sit. I was stressed, and tired, and just plain grumpy. I just wanted cuddle time.
Then he starts talking about work and how his district manager (who is a woman) was fighting for his affections and sitting too close and maybe he should use that to his advantage and just do what it takes to get ahead blah blah blah...
Now, he's joking with me but for me to be personally put through that type of scrutiny everyday I just didn't want to hear it. And so I told him,
"Can you not talk like that to your wife. A woman who has to deal with sexist comments daily??"
"Awww, lighten up I'm just joking. You know George has his eye on you any way, he wants to get you on the Island so he can have you all to himself. I'm surprised he told you to bring me. I'm sure he has plans to move in on you anyway the second I'm outta sight."
"You know what. you're a fucking pervert and go fuck yourself!"
"God, I'm joking stop being so sensitive!!!"
At this point I got up and stormed out of the room.
"Where are you going, I was just joking!!!"
"YOU REMINDED ME I FORGOT TO TAKE MY FUCKING PAXIL!!!"
He thought that was hilarious.
So I take a minute and breathe and remind myself that I'm just stressed and I really shouldn't let this fuck up my morning.
So we jump in the shower, we always shower together. Nothing kinky just two people washing each other's backs.
When we get out of the shower I bend down to grab my curling iron out of the cabinet and he takes this opportunity to pretend smack me with his... Manparts.
Now, as you can imagine, I am outraged. I tell him to fuck off and grow up, I storm out of the room and quickly get ready for work.
He, as usual, gets pissed at me getting pissed at him and starts making comments to me.
He, as usual, gets pissed at me getting pissed at him and starts making comments to me.
"See you later, great seeing ya. Now have fun curling your moody hair."
"You cannot be serious, you're mad at me because I didn't enjoy you slapping your man parts off my fucking face!"
"Yep, have a great fucking day, love ya, see ya!"
"You cannot be serious, you're mad at me because I didn't enjoy you slapping your man parts off my fucking face!"
"Yep, have a great fucking day, love ya, see ya!"
And he storms out.
I break down and cry.
I break down and cry.
How the fuck did this morning turn so sour???
Half way to work I get a text from him.
-"Sorry for snapping at you, love you, good luck at your meeting today.
I wait until I get to work and simply text back
"Love u2."
A few hours later we talk on the phone and he apologizes and tells me he's sorry. I tell him sometimes sorry isn't enough and I explain why I was upset.
"Daily I am subjected to sexist bullshit comments, just today I was asked if I was having hot flashes, told I should curl my hair more often, asked who was I trying to impress, and ignored in a meeting (that was supposed to be my development meeting) by my boss and my human resource manager... and then you go and make sexist jokes about your boss and basically say the only reason I got offered Block Island is because someone wants to sleep with me. I get it everyday and have gotten it everyday for the last 10 years and I don't need to get it from my husband."
"Daily I am subjected to sexist bullshit comments, just today I was asked if I was having hot flashes, told I should curl my hair more often, asked who was I trying to impress, and ignored in a meeting (that was supposed to be my development meeting) by my boss and my human resource manager... and then you go and make sexist jokes about your boss and basically say the only reason I got offered Block Island is because someone wants to sleep with me. I get it everyday and have gotten it everyday for the last 10 years and I don't need to get it from my husband."
He replies, "I'm sorry. I know. I should have read your mood better and known you weren't in a joking mood."
I say, "You know, you basically tell me to stop drinking and so I am. So guess what, if I stop drinking then you stop with the sexist remarks and for God's sake stop trying to slap me with your fucking dick."
We both laugh at this and life is back to normal.
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