We get a lot of deliveries at night and I’m in charge of opening the doors to let them in.
The drivers love to gab since they spend a majority of their time on the roads so it’s typical for conversations to come about.
I let in this one vendor and he was just an odd duck.
He starts talking to me and the conversation is just bazaar so I kind of just give him the polite nods and 'yeps.’
He then asks me if I have a boyfriend.
I think to myself this is getting inappropriate but I answer "Yes I do."
He follows that up with, “Do you and your boyfriend watch porn?”
I am so shocked, I flush bright red and tell him that’s none of his business.
He then proceeds to keep talking about porn and how he loves to watch it and watching it with a women is just the best. He goes on and on about how things get so hot when watching porn and you don't even need to be having sex just watching porn is enough...
I again tell him, "This conversation is extremely inappropriate please stop."
He didn’t and kept on going.
At that point he was done and I tell him he needs to leave now.
I am so freaked out from what just happened. This has never happened before. I do not want to deal with this again. I do not want anyone else to have to deal with this so I decide to report it to my store manager.
Now, as a woman, it’s a nerve racking experience reporting sexual harassment. You always hear these stories about how it always gets turned around and somehow you are at fault. But this, there’s no way I am at fault. I did what I was supposed to by asking him to stop and the next proper step is reporting.
The next day I arrive at work for my 9-6p shift.
I take all morning to build up the courage and finally I ask my store manager if I can speak with him in private.
We go into the office and I sit down. He remains standing.
Clearly I’m nervous and this makes him nervous.
I then say I would like to report sexual harassment.
He looks shocked and exclaims, “Someone here!?”
I tell him no it’s a vendor. He looks relieved.
I then tell him my embarrassing story.
He listens and takes it all in. He doesn't respond right away but takes a minute to think.
He then says to me, “Don’t take this the wrong way but... you may want to reconsider the way you dress…”
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?
I must have looked like I was slapped! And I had nothing to say but “What???”
He then says, now remember I am sitting down and he is standing, “Like right now, I can see down your shirt.”
I am wearing a button up collared shirt with just the top two buttons undone. There is nothing unprofessional about what I'm wearing and if he weren't standing over me he would not be able to see down my shirt.
I cannot believe this is happening. How the hell did my worst fear come true? How is this being blamed on me? How is a sexual harassment complaint being followed up with sexual harassment?
I say to him, "don’t you understand I am not at fault for sexual harassment and the main reason a lot of it goes unreported is because of comments like that!"
At that point I got up and left.
I never reported it to HR.
The following day I confided in a female coworker, Helen. She was a couple years older than I was and she just seemed a natural at handling things like this.
Helen was pissed at what had happened to me. She told me a story about how the same thing had happened to her when she reported sexual harassment at a previous employer. She told me I needed to learn to stand up for myself and told me to push it further. I didn't.
The next time I saw her she told me she had spoken with the driver. She told me she advised him to remove himself from this route if he wanted to keep his job. She threatened to go to his employer and pursue sexual harassment charges if he ever returned.
Thanks to her I never saw him again.
Nothing was ever done company wide. No disciplinary actions ever taken.
It just, went away.
There is no one I can rely on. No one I can trust. The only person that is going to stand up for me is me. (Well, me and Helen.)
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