Here, I met a boy. James.
We started dating the summer after my freshman year in college.
I was taking summer courses but still worked part time on the weekends, James worked part time and was not attending college. I was so drawn to him. Looking back I see it was his brokenness that attracted me. I wanted to fix him.
This boy did a number on me. And might I stress the term BOY. While I was trying to fix him he was breaking me piece by piece and I didn't even see it happening.
After about two years together things seemed great, we were so in love. We were the perfect couple.
As things normally do happen, our inner circle overlapped and pretty soon my friends were his friends and vice versa. That also means my friends were his friends friends and boyfriends and girlfriends.... Slowly I started to be left out of things, my friends would call me the next day and ask why I hadn't gone to a party or why I hadn't come out to dinner, why wasn't I there when James was there. Little did they know James had told me he was staying in and going to bed....
He once told me that if I smoked pot he'd actually want to hang out with me more. He told me the fact that I didn't enjoy smoking weed made him prefer to hang out with his friends because I wanted too much of his attention and he couldn't just sit and be stoned in peace. Maybe if I smoked he'd actually want to hang out with me.
He made up lies to his friends so they didn't want me around.Turns out he was stealing from them and blaming it on me. They banned me from coming around. All my friends felt 'awful' that I wasn't allowed to come around and told me they were going to plead my case to them. Awesome friends I had. They always had my back. Thank God for them........Finally everyone realized after about three months of me not being around that if I wasn't around, who was stealing the pot?
But I was naive to the world still and I loved him and he loved me. So I stood by his side.
The summer of 2004, James and I were scheduled to go see 311, one of his favorite bands.
I was at home getting ready when my father received a phone call.
I heard the panic in his voice and ran to see what was wrong.
He told me that my grandmother was in a real bad car accident and he asked me if I could just drop him off at the hospital. He was too shakey to drive. I didn't even hesitate, I said hell no I'm going with you and I grabbed my coat.
When I called James to tell him what had happened and let him know I wouldn't be going to the concert, that I was going to the hospital, he wasn't upset about my grandmother... he was concerned with getting my ticket so someone else could go in my place.
Too upset and concerned to even process this I told him fine whatever meet me at the hospital... Instead of sympathy or concern he told me don't forget the ticket.
When my father and I arrived at the hospital my mother met us in the ER.
She was an RN at the hospital and was the one who called my dad to say he needed to come.
She brought us over to my grandmother.
One look at her and that was it.
My frail and tiny grandmother was clearly crushed.
Her chest was so full of fluid that it appeared to be three times its normal size.
All I could think of was how many times she went through my line at work and said "Eliza, when are you going to come see your grandmother??" I'd always said "sometime soon grandma" but soon never came.
I went outside to watch my grandmother get airlifted to Boston.
As this was happening James arrived. He was with my best friend Erica. For a second I was relieved, they came to support me.
When I walked up to them Erica ran up and threw her arms around me
"I'm so so sorry about your grandma!!"
I cried.
Then she said, "You sure you don't mind that I take your ticket and go to the concert in your place?"
I backed away and pointed up to the helicopter.
"That's my grandma... Getting airlifted t to Boston... Here's your ticket."
James asked me if I was going to Boston. I said no.
He said "Well why don't you come to the concert then. No point in just sitting around right!?"
I walked away and said nothing. All those words I couldn't say.
I went home with my family and waited.
My grandmother died that night.
I never got a call from my boyfriend or Erica asking how she was, how I was doing.
James finally called at one o'clock in the morning to tell me about the awesome show I missed.
He actually said "I can't believe you missed this show. Best time of my life and you weren't there!"
I was stunned. Not only was I stunned that I had just lost my grandmother, I was stunned at how uncaring and selfish he was acting
I responded, "Gosh I'm so sorry I wasn't there I was too busy watching my grandmother die. Next time I'll make sure my priorities are inline." and I hung up.
He never even tried to call back.
We spoke here and there over the next day or two. I never was very good at completely shutting him out.
The day of my grandmothers wake I called James, terrified to ask him to go to the wake, terrified of him saying no.
I don't know why I was so scared. Maybe because he hadn't offered yet. But I thought, who could be so heartless. Finally I took a deep breathe...
I asked, "So do you think that you could come for like 10 minutes, just so I can get a breather and get a stress relief... it's gonna be pretty awful for me...??"
...silence
...more silence
...still more silence, I was holding my breath now with tears quietly streaming down my face... were my fears actually coming true??
After an eternity he replied, "No, I'm sorry. wakes just make me really uncomfortable. But if you need a break you can always call me." I hung up.
He said no, even after i begged.
I thought I knew betrayal by now but this was a whole new world.
That's when I knew I needed to get him out of my life. I was done being blind to the way he treated me and I was done fooling myself, done thinking he actually cared about me.
I didn't answer or return his calls for a month straight. I was heart broken and betrayed. I felt so, alone.
All my friends kept me up to date though. Such great friends they were. They would tell me he was always asking about me. He missed me. They would tell me he's sorry and that he really wants to talk to me. My friends, taking his side. My friends, still hanging out with him and his friends while I sat at home. Alone. Another form of betrayal I had yet to recognize.
As much as I tried, I just couldn't stay away though, he had this control over me.
I was weak. I was so weak.
A couple weeks later I made the mistake of answering his call. He sounded so hurt, good. He deserved to be hurt. I told him that before I would even consider seeing him he had to do one thing. This was my test. If he did this, he cared.
I told him he had to apologize to my father for not sending condolences for my grandmother's death. That was my punishment for him... I made him do what he should have done all along.
He awkwardly walked into my house that night and sat down with my father. My dad said nothing to him, he just waited. I was waiting in my room just listening. After a minute James finally said,
"I'm sorry to hear about your mother and I'm sorry I didn't go to her services."
I heard my father contemplate this for a couple seconds. He said "I think the one you should be apologizing to is in the next room." And he let him a off the hook.
I wish my dad had told me how much he hated this boy, but would i have listened?
Of course not.
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