Unfortunately that is not the case. I allowed myself to have a drink. Three drinks to be exact. Three whiskey and diet cokes.
Don't shake your head at me. I needed a hole to hide in so with my husband by my side I decided I was going to have three drinks tonight.
Have you ever had salt rubbed in a cut? Like literally gotten salt in a teeny tiny paper cut?
That shit stings like crazy!!!
That's what happened to me today.
My job had cut me wide open with the whole store manager thing.
But I still had this last little bit of hope that we would be going to Block Island.
This would give us three more years with the company and three years to figure out what I am going to do with my life.
I know I've said that I'm done with this company many times but I have dedicated almost 50% of my life to them.
I had to give them one last chance. Shame on me.
Now remember, back in November I was approached by George, the district manager for Block Island. He told me plain as day, if you want the Island, it's yours. We'll get you out there in two weeks. I was waiting to hear back from the other job (the one that strung me along for 5 months and ended up not picking me) so I had told him I would get back to him.
In January Seth and I went and interviewed for the position on Block Island. A couple weeks late I ran into George in one of the stores. He asked me when the lease was up on my house and told me that Seth and I need to get out and visit Block Island as soon as possible. There was urgency in his voice. And so we did. I wrote to George telling him we loved it and that we look forward to hearing back from him.
About a week ago Seth and I received an email invitation to meet in Marston's Mills to hear the verdict. Marston's Mills is about an hour and a half away from us. We figured we would be offered a contract and that's why we had to go all the way down there.
Boy were we wrong.
My meeting was at 1p Seth's was scheduled for 1:30p. We got there at about 12:45 and headed inside. George came out and said hello and invited me into the office. He was in there with his HR rep. We small talked for about 2 minutes about the weather and a thunderstorm that had happened the night before. Then the conversation goes like this:
April from HR "So how was your drive down here?"
"It was long, this is quite out of the way but hey I'm here."
"Yea..." George and April exchange an awkward look "So when we had first started talking we had two spots available and now there's only one so unfortunately we won't be needing you or Seth."
I have this dumbfounding look on my face.
Jaw dropped white as a ghost are you fucking kidding me look.
April starts saying, "We expect two spots to be open in November so you can try for it..."
I cut her off "No we will not be trying for it again. Thank you."
I get up grab my stuff and turn to leave. As I get to the door I turn and say "Seth will not be needing to come in here, I doubt he cares..."
George cuts me off and tries to turn it on me, "Oh so he doesn't care..."
I cut him off "No George, don't even. He cares. I care. A phone call would have sufficed instead of having us drive all the way out here."
April says, "We wanted to tell you face to face."
I chuckle, "Thank you, that was very kind of you."
I then make my exit and tell Seth let's go we're leaving.
He's so confused right now.
He says "What, they don't want to talk to me??"
I tell him, "You can go in there and talk to them but the answer is no and I'm leaving."
I get to the car and the flood gates open.
Who do these people think they are?
How far are they trying to push me?
Are they trying to get me to quit? Because they just insured that I will be quitting.
Seth is sitting there just watching me cry trying to figure out the right thing to say but there isn't anything he can say.
He then decides he wants to go speak to them so he leaves me be and goes inside.
I take this time to call my doctor and make an appointment for Friday.
I need some time off to figure things out.
Seth returns about a half hour later. I look up and he's walking towards the car with this pissed off expression on his face.
His hands are clenched in fists and he is walking with a purpose.
When he gets in the car I ask him how it went.
Can you believe they never even opened the door to speak to him? He spent a half hour waiting outside the office while they sat behind a closed door and ignored his knocks.
After our hour and a half drive home we go out to lunch and talk about what just happened, well more like what's going to happen.
I can't stay with this company any longer.
Not after what just happened. This is our lives and they just fuck with them for fun. I wonder if they laughed about it after we left.
I bet they did.
Now I have to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life.
Do you know how hard that is?
Have you ever been in a relationship that wasn't going very well at all but you stay because it's all you know?
You are so scared to break up with your significant other because for as long as you can remember it's been you and him. Life without him is terrifying and unknown.
So you stay. He treats you like shit, he makes you feel like shit, he makes you feel stupid and incompetent but then he says I love you and tells you how great you are and so you stay.
You deal with all the shit because it's all you've ever known.
You may try to break up with him, knowing it's the right thing for you, but you can't seem to get away.
You sacrifice for him, you change for him, you cater to him.
You basically give him all of you and get nothing in return.
Sometimes you feel absolutely crazy for trying so hard.
Relationships aren't supposed to be this hard!
Then one day you find out that he's been cheating on you and he no longer wants you. He leaves you and you're left all by yourself feeling so stupid for being so God damn naive, so fucking weak. It's heartbreaking, it's soul shattering.
That's how I feel.
So later that night as we are showering I tell Chris I'm going to have a couple drinks tonight. We're going to pretend like it's February 29th, a day that doesn't really exist and I'm going to forget all about it.
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