Chapter 2: Now.

Today is day 1. I have given up alcohol. God that stuff makes me so depressed. I can't even get out of bed in the morning. How did I even get here? I guess the pills with all this x's don't really work when you imbibe in a bottle of wine... 2 whiskey and cokes... A Kahlua and seltzer... And anything else under the kitchen sink.

That's what happened Monday.

I was sad.

I was anxious.

I cleaned the house from top to bottom and was still restless. Sure there was some errands I could run but my mind was swimming in all sorts of directions.

It always does.

I wish I had a slow down button, I wish I had a pause button... But I don't, and so it just runs and runs and runs and runs. I don't even know how I get from point A to point B sometimes.

It starts with one thought or action....

I think I'll clean the house.

God, it's dusty under the bed.

There they are, I need to set up the wedding pictures.

The honeymoon was exhausting! We need to plan a trip somewhere tropical.

Maybe I should google cruise prices.

I'll send an email to AAA.

When's my next vacation? Shoot, not until next April...

It's going to suck going back to work. God, I hate work.

I can't believe my vacation is over and I have to go back.

I need to find something else to do.

What the hell can I do? I've done the same thing for 15 years...

I need to figure out my life.

I need to make myself happy.

I wonder how long it will take before my step kids get used to me.

I wonder how long it will take for me to get used to them.

I need to write this down.

A drink would help...

And the rest is history.

I drank and drank and drank and drank. I vented to people, and numbed my pain, sent some stupid text messages, lied to my husband on the phone (naaaaaaaaoooooh I have NOT been drinking). I woke up super hungover and very very very sad.
My husband was very upset with me that I had lied. That's a problem.
So I swore off alcohol. For real this time. Two weeks before Christmas with 3 parties to attend in the upcoming weeks. This is not going to be an easy start but I have to do it. I want to.